I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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