Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
