Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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