dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
