found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
