Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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