he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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