so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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