why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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