i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
