I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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