I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
