WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
