Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
