i would punch a child for taco bell
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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