I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
