she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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