He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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