your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
