I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
