thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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