Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
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