He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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