I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
