I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize