i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
