Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
