I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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