we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
