i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
