Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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