my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
