if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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