The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
