He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
