it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
