Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
