New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
