I feel great
I just peed on a car
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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