We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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