and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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