Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
