Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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