He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
