I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
