I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she told me i tasted like america
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
