Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
