Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
