Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
