i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
