but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
