I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
