Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
