I heard we made out
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize