ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
