so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
