the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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