I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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