dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
