not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
