im about as happy as oj after his trial
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
