I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I look better un-naked...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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