dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
