Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Non-Jews are for practice
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
