No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
