I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
