im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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