Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
